Dec
2012 28
In 2009, I was in the second floor of a country and western bar in Hermosa Beach California.? I was part of a weekend workshop (called a bootcamp) by a company that teaches men how to pick up women.
After the first day of approaching as many women as 
I could, I wasn?t impressed.? I didn?t see any value in what we were doing and I wasn?t that uncomfortable.? I knew from my experience in self-development that I wasn?t learning if I wasn?t out of my comfort zone.? On the second night we were in Hermosa Beach, and I had approached several women that night, still not getting any insights.? I said to one of the coaches,
?This seems too easy, I want to get more uncomfortable.?? What if I just walked up to some girls and asked if they wanted to make out with me??
?Sure, do that.?? They said.
I thought to myself? Shit.? Did I really just say that?? Oh well, here it goes.
I approached two good looking women standing by a fire exit, looked them in the eyes and?
Blank.
Nothing came out.? I was literally speechless.
The girls looked at me with a confused look on their face and I just said ?sorry? as I started to smile and turned back toward the group of coaches who were stalking me across the bar.
?I did it!? I figured out what I needed to learn!!!?
That night, I woke up to what I?ve been missing my whole life with women.
I wasn?t sexual.? I was used to asking bland questions like ?where do you work?? and ?how long have you lived here??? As soon as I tried to express myself sexually I saw how I had been blocked from doing this my whole life. ?In that moment, everything changed.? Everything came tumbling down like a house of cards. ?I saw how my relationship to sex was always one of guilt, shame and beliefs that weren?t my own.? I saw how the subject of sex was avoided like the plague during my childhood.
I saw how the community that I grew up in built a habit of hiding their sexuality.
I saw how many of the beliefs I held about women were formed by fear.? I saw how I had been lied to, and misled about how women wanted to be treated.? I saw how me hiding my sexuality was not only having women not want to be with me, but it was causing them to not trust me.? I saw how my actions were causing me not to trust myself.
This is a situation that?s all too common for men growing up today.
When we repress our sexuality it?s like pulling the plug on the source of our energy.? It?s hiding the most raw, powerful part of ourselves because we were told it would be dangerous if we let it out.? Even getting an erection in public is considered a crime.? Why?? What are we really supposed to be ashamed of.
When we repress our sexuality we start a war with ourselves and instead of spending energy on the things we want to create in the world, we spend it fighting against our urges, our desires and our natural sexuality.
How is this affecting your life??
How would your life be different if you didn?t have to hide any of your sexual desires?
?
Source: http://www.straightuplove.com/on-being-sexual/
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